It’s never too late to be who you want to be…

I don’t think I had any grand aspirations for this blog. Truth be told, it was really more to learn about how to think like a blogger than it was to write one. My old boss Vikas suggested it, and I started it mainly to get promoted :). It’s kind of grown on me in the years following, or maybe it might be better to say that I’ve grown into it. In the time that the blog got started and now, a lot changed: jobs, cars, houses, aaaaaaand women… lol. It seemed like a lot of changes and a long time, but for most you reading (my friends and family mostly, thanks so much for reading BTW), so if you’ll bear with me for one more change and just a smidgen more time, I hope you don’t mind. The thing that’s changing in this case is the blog: it’s done. Except for a few very minor cleanup posts, the posts here will cease and I’ll devote my energies elsewhere. I may be writing some reviews for a friend of mine, and if it actually happens, I’ll post where in case you are interested.

So if you made it through that first paragraph, you might be wondering what the hell that title has to do with anything. Well, the point of the title is to say that this blog ends near the end of Lent. The end of Lent is both an ending and a new beginning: Easter begins the day after Lent and is a period of celebration, just as Lent is a time of reflection and sacrifice. I tried to give up something for Lent, and I don’t think I’d say it was a raging success, but somehow contemplating that failure made me realize something: it’s not that successful people don’t fail, but failure on the road to success is both expected and inevitable. We only truly fail when we internalize that failure as an indication that something is “hopeless” or that it’s “just not part of our character”. The events of the past year really broke me down. On top of everything else, it was that final experience of breaking up with my ex that made me raw to the bone. At that time, it felt like I had lost the last of the things that I cared about: I was totally not on speaking terms with my mom and my ex after a few months pretty much didn’t want to talk to me at all. I was jobless at the time and that also contributed to this feeling of general worthlessness about myself.

So what changed? It was a slow process, but to sum it up, it was this feeling that there was something more to life than myself. I don’t mean like some special destiny for me, but just this feeling that as much as I felt my misery, it was nothing to the world. It could be a bleak way to look at things, but to me, it felt like a release from my self absorption: the only thing that would really matter is what I did. What you do reflects more to other people than all the millions of words you’ will ever say in you life. So what you do now has nothing to do with what you’ve done in the past. And it’s never too late to do the right thing, because really, is it ever too late for the right thing? If I was a jerk, is it too late for me to be magnanimous? If I was self-centered, is it too late for you to be the focus? I hope not. So here’s hoping to the person I want to be, and maybe that’ll be the person you want me to be too.

See ya.

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