So I’ve been single for a while and my sister has been pestering me to try out an online dating site to at least check out what’s out there. I had been holding off because based off my extensive experience online most people using the internet to meeting people are fucking crazy. However, a year long stint at Microsoft has made me yearning to meet non-married indian women something fierce so my resolution broke down and I began evaluating my choices:
1) eHarmony – I had a friend get married off of this, and another friend is using eHarmony as his primary dating site. I actually tried it before but however desperate I am, the money thing is killing me here. I may try this later.
2) OKCupid –I love the blog posts analyzing there population, but from first hand accounts the population is crazy.
3) Plenty of Fish – the UX is terrible. But it’s free. Can’t be all bad right?
I think you can see where this was going….I called up my sister and starting checking out the matches there. It’s ok at first. I’m cruising through and scanning the pictures:
But after a few clicks, I started seeing this:
I cave and start making the account. It’s not bad at first, you know, ASL, you like white girls (sometimes), you like asian girls (hell yes), kids (not pre-fabbed) etc. Then you start taking the “Chemistry” test. This is the standard multiple choice test with “no wrong answers”. That’s to make people who answer stuff like “Do you find yourself lonely all the time?” feel ok. The only problem is this test is fucking long. I mean, my sister starts harassing me and I just want to finish the damn thing long. And when that’s done, you still have to fill out this little blurb about yourself.
It looks fine now because I went back and filled it out…but it has a minimum character length. And it’s not something small. My initial efforts of “Clothes. I love rock and roll. I am a nerd in Seattle. Fuck you plenty of fish.” are stymied so I resort to the closest large blob of text on my computer…my vision statement from my resume. So for the past few months the women scanning my profile happened to see this:
Energetic and quality focused Software Engineer with 8 years of experience testing software and hardware for Fortune 500 companies. Proven leader with skills to manage global teams that meet deadlines and deliver products that delight customers. Loves to tackle and overcome challenges by using analysis and collaboration.
I didn’t get any hits, but I might have found some job leads…
Next blog post: Losing my sanity…